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The Kitchen Round Table

a thought piece from Parent.org

Issue 3 - We don't need another hero? heck - one would be nice!

Welcome to The Kitchen Round Table. You have received this because you are on a database of people we consider interested in this area of thought. Unsubscription details are at the bottom. KRT is a short political thought piece from Parent.org, an organisation dedicated to giving parents a voice.

The role of the hero and the leader demonstrates how vastly different the parenting environment is to most others. 

When businessman, Sam Morgan, sold his share in Trademe for $200 million earlier this year the media, politicians and commentators tripped over each other to slap him on the back, share his glory and hold him up to be a top bloke - and so they should.  He is an innovative, high achieving kiwi we can all be proud of.  We revel in the achievements of all our sporting heroes, our business heroes and leaders, our cultural icons like Kiri Te Kanua, and even our political ground breakers like David Lange, and this as it should be.  These people give us the taste of success and make us hungry for it, they define and redefine success and glory, and make us proud to share a country with them. 

Those readers who subscribe to the government's "Announce" ezine, will know that Helen Clark and friends spend a considerable amount of their time around the country presenting awards for innovation, leadership and creativity to just about anyone who will stand still long enough to receive one - which KRT applauds.  They obviously believe in the role of heroes and leaders as important mechanisms for stimulating positive things in an environment.  The one group they don't do this for are parents.

Enough of the villain mentality - it's not helping!

The tragedy of the Kahui twins have once again revealed that the only thing interesting about parents to the government and the media is failure.  They are not interested in finding and celebrating parenting heroes, but seek out villains with a gusto that is positively gruesome. 

We would do well to reflect what this means. This focus on failure for such a core social function does at least three disservices to the country.
1- It defines parenting in terms of failure. "If the kids are alive - I'm a good parent" is not the mantra for a successful childhood and the growth of a well rounded, contributing citizen.  This actively discourages quality, skills and knowledge in parenting.
2- It normalises and trivialises, and destigmatises failure, making it easier for those who are struggling to give up.
3- It discourage our young adults from starting families and one thing we need more of, to deal with a burgeoning retired population, is top quality youth capable of taking over the jobs and the running of the country.  Any smart twenty or thirty something is going to look at the parenting environment and realise that there is not much going on in it to promote their self esteem - and stick with their career.

Where are our parenting heroes and leaders?

The best thing we could do for children is to find and celebrate a few parenting heroes, and create some parenting leaders.  Currently parents have no one to look up to, no one whose experiences are shared, no one to define success, no one who can help them to aspire to greater achievements, no one who they can think in terms of "one day, if I work hard at this, I might be held in that regard".  We can have more anti-infanticide vigils, more government domestic violence working parties, more CYFS, more prisons, more police and the child abuse, neglect and death toll will steadily rise.  Or we can copy what works in every other environment and make parenting about success.  To do that we have to define success and no one defines success better than heroes and leaders.

Time to step up.

So this Kitchen Round Table is a challenge to the media and the government - leave the Kahui's of this world to be for a while.  Find parenting heroes, celebrate them and share them with us.  And if you want a starting place talk to people like Sam Morgan.  When asked how he achieved his entrepreneurial success he didn't mention the education sector, the welfare sector, Treasury or any government spun initiatives we are assured will boost our economy.  Instead he pointed straight to his parents, Gareth and Jo', who gave him a loving, stimulating environment in a house bus parked in the back of a section in a down market Wellington suburb.

The Kitchen Round Table will come to you every few weeks, so if you want some fresh thinking about social and economic issues look out for your next KRT, and please share it around. Parent.org is a national lobby group promoting this common sense approach to building a better society. We are a-political, non religious, non-prescriptive. We simply believe that by creating an environment the encourages successful parenting New Zealand will become a better place for everyone.

Next edition -The knowledge economy and the hobby of parenting.

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